I had a pleasure to talk about dating with a sexual health educator, Jane Langton, from a Juicy Life.  She is a friendly person with a modern outlook on sexuality.  I decided to ask her about common questions that I get through this blog.

Since this blog is about hosiery, we get a lot of male visitors who have a fetish for pantyhose or stockings and are sometimes afraid to admit to it when they start dating.

Due to the nature of the garment, most of hosiery fetishists are male, but advice given in this article is applicable to any gender.

When is it best to tell the partner about your sexual preferences and fetishes, right away or when there is already a deep emotional attachment?  Sometimes I get people telling me that their wife does not want to share their sexual preferences and that causes a lot of tension in the family.

 Jane’s Answer:

It is more challenging to introduce something that is considered by some as kinky later on in the relationship.  We don’t always have the courage to tell our partner who we really are, so we open up later. 

Don’t be upset if the partner is not comfortable with this new addition to your repertoire, because you didn’t tell them upfront about your preference.  Be mindful of their thoughts and put yourself in their shoes. 

Being honest is important.  If your partner is committed to being with you, you can take it slowly and introduce things, create a way to express your fetish in a way that appeals to both of you.Checking in along the way. Explore together.

Take small steps.  It also helps to do research together. It can be fear preventing  your partner from saying “yes” to something out of their comfort zone.  They don’t know what it means if their male partner is wearing stockings.

In fact, it doesn’t mean anything.  It is exploration, role-playing, and it’s normal.  It doesn’t imply their sexuality or gender at all.  For example, look at the Kinsey scale that was created by Albert Kinsey in 1948 to represent sexuality, 0 being heterosexual and 6 being homosexual.  According to Kinsey many of us are between 1 and 5 and not are not 0 or 6!  Also, within our lifetime, we will change. Our preferences will change.  So do your best to be honest with your partner early on in your relationship and most importantly have fun!

Please visit Jane’s website for more information about her.  She has a free newsletter and an online store full of fun products for your bedroom.  Even though she is Vancouver based, she offers virtual sessions over skype or phone to people from other areas.

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I asked for an opinion from men who have a fetish and it looked like all of them (those who answered me, of course) agreed with Jane about honesty being the best policy.  Here is what they said.

What do you think?  Do you tell your partner about your sexual preferences upfront?  Can our peers offer some dating advice?

Gentleman A

To me it just seems like common sense. If you’re trying to be in a stable relationship, 100% honesty is key. If you’re just in it for the sex… well, it’s only logical to admit to a fetish.  Either way it’s not only a good idea to be up front, it’s quite important to.

I told my wife about my fetishes (I have foot fetish as well as a pantyhose fetish) early on when we were dating.  She wasn’t put off at all; she was rather intrigued by it.  She asked me questions and I was open and honest. Our sex life was better off for it, as was our emotional attachment to each other.

Gentleman B

Your relationship with a particular woman needs to be honest and sincere. Your true feelings for her – (sexually and non sexually) need and should come first!  Early on your dating/courtship, it should surface. Don’t be forceful, rude, or anything like that. From her point of view, a pantyhose fetish can be welcomed, as long as it’s not extreme.  Good luck.

 Gentleman C

I have always expressed it within the first couple of dates.  Never had anyone freak out or leave me because of it.  Most are really accepting.

 Gentleman D

You’d be surprised of the number of ladies I’ve dated and shared my fetish and love of pantyhose on women. I’d usually tell them about it, right after the first sexual encounter.
I learned early:  first satisfy a women in bed and she’ll be most willing to satisfy your every wish.  Within reason, of course.  When sharing my fetish, many were aroused by the thought and some had some kinky wishes, too.  I’ve never had any bad experiences in sharing this with women I’ve dated.  All in all, it’s been a lot of fun and I’d do it all again.

 Gentleman E

As long as you trust her, have genuine feelings for her and truly want be with her and she feels the same way about you, by all means tell her about your fetish before it’s too late. Not when proposing or after marriage. Common sense prevails.

 Gentleman F

I’m upfront with the women I date, and they all are fine with it. Best to be honest with them about it, and if they like you, then they would be more than happy to wear pantyhose for you.